The folks in Paris are going to be upset

My next door neighbor has stolen the Eiffel Tower. I didn't even know he had been out of the country. I saw him just the other day at the liquor store buying lottery tickets. He's quick. I'm dying to find out how he got it out of the country without anyone noticing. I mean, without this thing, Paris looks like Abilene, Kansas. I'm impressed.

I am concerned, however, about the inevitable retaliatory strike. The French will not take this lying down. I'm certain war will break out any minute. Ultimately, I'm sure we'll win in the end. After all, when was the last time the French won a war by themselves. But nevertheless, they're a feisty batch, however ill-advised, and they can do some damage. I'm expecting the French Foreign Legion to come pouring over the alley fence any minute. To that end, I got the
AK-47 out of the lock-up and loaded a few more 30-round magazines. "When you absolutely have to kill every **** in the room, accept no substitutes." I actually have two of these little darlings, one for shooting and one for backup or parts. I keep about two thousand rounds of 7.62x39mm full metal jacket on hand, just in case TSHTF. A boy really can't have too many AK's, especially when you're facing an invasion from the French at any minute. If I take any prisoners, I'll torture them until I make them give up their recipe for Hollandaise sauce. I love that stuff.